The Scottish Football Team has astounded the world by failing to qualify for the World Cup finals in spite of playing extremely well, in the toughest of groups. Going into last night’s game against the Faroese a draw was all that was required to get through to the finals in Antarctica next December. The side set out their stall positively with a goal in the first fifteen minutes and held this until the forty fifth minute when Faroese striker Edmundsen headed in a corner.

All to play for in the second half then. It didn’t take long for the opposition to forget that the Scottish Maritime Defence Force saved several of their countrymen earlier this week in grounding off Shetland. They threw everything they had at the Scots defence with inspirational attacking football. The Scots quickly appeared rattled and an altercation between Jock Bremner and goalie Baxter proved their undoing. Following yet another corner Baxter was heard by the fourth official calling his team mate a useless ginger nutcase. Under FIFA equality guidance the official brought the matter to the referee’s attention but not before Bremner “nutted “Baxter. The sending off of the pair was inevitable. Reduced to 9 men it was only ten minutes before the Faroese sank Scotland hopes with a second goal in the 50^th minute. Never mind there’s the Euro’s coming up.